Overcoming My Fear of Rejection (An Ongoing Journey)...

Here is the irony of me writing this
blog post…

I will probably have it proofread by my husband before I even share it. Not because I’m scared that I’ll have edits in my grammar, because that’s to be expected from a graphic designer. It’s because I want to make sure that what I write is interesting and something people will actually read. It won’t just be another blog post that other people see… then roll their eyes at and move on.

So, I guess I’m writing this blog post for myself, but hey if you feel that fear of rejection too, then keep reading. Maybe we can work through this together.

First off, I have to imagine for a minute that J.K. Rowling wrote the first draft of Harry Potter and then lit it on fire and walked away because she thought no one else would like it. Sure, maybe everything in our lives in 2020 would be exactly the same. Except J.K. Rowling probably wouldn’t be a millionaire and active Twitter user. However, we wouldn’t have a whole book series that rekindled many people’s love of reading. We wouldn’t have Harry Potter Movie marathons and whole trivia nights themed around this iconic series. Rowling took a courageous step that a lot of us are afraid of doing and she was rewarded for it.

There are quite a few articles and books out there on the fear of rejection. A common theme I found people talk about in those articles is that creators need to make work because they themselves find it interesting. If a creator simply makes work because it’s a “popular style” at the time and it’s guaranteed some likes on social media, they’ll get burned out pretty quickly. I think that if I only made work that looked like Lisa Congdon’s because it’s interesting, beautiful, and well known, I’d be tired of making work like that pretty quickly. My style isn’t like Lisa’s. If makers are making work because they’re motivated by their own discoveries and styles, then when rejection does come, maybe it won’t be as significant a blow to their creativity because being liked and popular isn’t the purpose. I think it all comes down to motivation. Why are we doing the work we’re doing?

Jia Jiang adventures boldly into a territory so many of us fear: rejection. By seeking out rejection for 100 days -- from asking a stranger to borrow $100 to requesting a "burger refill" at a restaurant -- Jiang desensitized himself to the pain and shame that rejection often brings and, in the process, discovered that simply asking for what you want can open up possibilities where you expect to find dead ends.

Here is my other thought. Practice. I remember the hours and hours I spent practicing my flute as a kid. Sure, maybe I wasn’t the best, but I went from sounding like a dying bird to something that actually kind of resembled the song I was trying to play. Maybe overcoming a fear of rejection takes practice, just like my flute playing. So, the best way to practice overcoming my fear of rejection is to just make a crap ton of work and put it out there to be “rejected”. I just need to get good at not being bothered by the people who think what I make isn’t good. This reminds me of an interesting NPR interview with a man named Jia Jiang. He set out to get rejected for 100 days. He asked for obscure things like getting a haircut at Petsmart, or asking a stranger for $100 so people would say no to him. What Jiang found it not only got easier to be rejected over time, but how to ask for things in such a way that other people started saying yes. Watch his Ted Talk! It’s really good. Maybe this can be applied to us creatives too. I’m not doing work because I’m trying to persuade those who hate it to start liking it. I’m making work because I like it. Just keep throwing things at the wall, not because it may stick but because you enjoy it. There are about 7.5 billion people right now. My guess is that if you’re making work because you enjoy it, there is probably someone else out there who will enjoy it too. Your interests are not that unique. There is literally a Facebook Group for “Friends Don’t Let Friends Wear Crocs.” So... there is a niche for everyone.

Lastly, I find that I avidly follow other creators who are transparent. Whatever transparency may look like to you. This kind of harkens back to my blog post about how to market yourself well. People are enamored by stories they can get behind. So tell them a good one… your own story! Bring the people who like your work alongside you. Make them feel like they’re a part of your journey. People crave community, so carving out a little corner of the internet with people rooting for you may just be the secret ingredient to making a lot of great work that you yourself are not afraid of sharing anymore.

So many people only do things or share things because they think that’s what people want. It’s time to let go of that fear of being told “no”, because there will never be a day where you get 7.5 billion likes on your instagram post. So get out there, and make work that you find interesting and make A LOT of it. Keep practicing being rejected!

I’d love to hear how you creators are overcoming your fear of rejection too! Comment below with your thoughts! I promise I won’t reject you and we can dialog about it! :)